Children often engage in attention-seeking, nuisance behaviors, such as interrupting, nagging, whining, and pouting. At Glenholme, we teach parents that many conflicts can be avoided or minimized by ignoring these nuisance behaviors. Ignoring means removing all attention - no eye contact, talking or making noises, reacting with physical gestures, or touching. Instead, only give attention when your child demonstrates behaviors that you want to see.
A test to see if a behavior should be ignored: Have you already discussed this behavior with your child in the past? If you have, and your child continues to demonstrate the behavior, he or she may be doing it just for your attention or reaction.
It is important to note that anytime you begin to ignore a behavior that has historically gained your attention, you can expect a temporary escalation in that behavior (known as an extinction burst). As your child attempts to gain your attention through previously reliable means, his or her behavior may get louder or more intense (for example, whining may become yelling). However, giving your child attention while he or she is engaging in this escalated behavior will only result in your child beginning his or her nusiance behaviors at that heightened level the next time… so walk away and keep ignoring! If it is consistently ignored, your child's nuisance behavior will eventually diminish.
This seemingly simple technique can be difficult to pull off, and can result in frustration (both for the child and the parent). Sometimes it’s useful to act as though something else is keenly interesting to you, such as a piece of mail or a book/magazine, to give yourself something to focus on instead of your child’s behavior. In order to ignore in the midst of the extinction burst, you may even need to remove yourself entirely from the situation - the ultimate step in the ignoring technique.
Ignoring attention-seeking behaviors takes a lot of practice. What challenges have you faced while trying to ignore your child's nuisance behaviors? What strategies have you found helpful? Whether you’ve already mastered ignoring, are currently struggling with escalating behaviors, or are just beginning to explore this technique, we’d love to hear your thoughts!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
National Attention Devoted to Bullying
In recent weeks, there has been much national attention devoted to bullying. Unfortunately, this attention comes due to the devastating effects of bullying on some individuals. This has prompted us to take a look at the things that we do, and to compare them to what experts in the field suggest. One of the most widely cited curriculum for bullying is Dan Olweus’s Bullying Prevention Program.
The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program defines bullying in this way: “A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.”
Thus, bullying is negativistic, aggressive actions, which involve a pattern of behavior, and relies on the individual doing the bullying to accurately gauge the recipient’s ability to defend him or herself. Many have observed teasing, meant to be humorous, wherein the recipient laughs the teasing off, and seems unaffected. This would not be bullying according to the definition above. Unfortunately, our kids typically have greater difficulty in handling such teasing, and they are often unequipped to defend themselves.
We don’t typically discuss “bullying” at Glenholme, but rather discuss specific bullying behaviors such as “teasing,”
“instigating,” “verbal aggression,” and “physical aggression.” These all have predictable, and consistent program-wide consequences, that all staff and students are aware of. We therefore address this on the individual level, prior to it becoming a pattern, and therefore by definition, “bullying.” If the behavior does become a pattern, we have more individualized interventions for the individual engaging in this behavior. We also provide in-the-moment skill instruction, both for the individuals receiving these negative behaviors, and for the individuals exhibiting them. These are examples of anti-bullying steps recommended by Olweus.
Olweus recommends 13 specific anti-bullying steps be taken in schools. We reviewed these and found that we are doing almost all of them, but could improve specifically in two areas. The first opportunity for improvement is providing in-service training about bullying, and including all staff who interact with students. We felt we that we have done this indirectly. In the past weeks, we have held more expanded and explicit trainings to ensure that we are meeting this recommendation.
The second opportunity for improvement was Olweus’s last anti-bullying step: Provide information to parents about bullying and encourage their involvement in addressing bullying issues. We have recently sent an e-mail to all parents, providing a link to information regarding cyber-bullying. Cyber-bullying through social media and cell phones is the way that children are most frequently engaged in negative behaviors toward each other while at home. While social media provides us with wonderful opportunities to provide and receive information and to stay connected, it unfortunately also provides a venue for bullying, particularly when it is unsupervised. Click here for more information on cyber-bullying.
The Olweus Bullying Prevention Program defines bullying in this way: “A person is bullied when he or she is exposed, repeatedly and over time, to negative actions on the part of one or more other persons, and he or she has difficulty defending himself or herself.”
Thus, bullying is negativistic, aggressive actions, which involve a pattern of behavior, and relies on the individual doing the bullying to accurately gauge the recipient’s ability to defend him or herself. Many have observed teasing, meant to be humorous, wherein the recipient laughs the teasing off, and seems unaffected. This would not be bullying according to the definition above. Unfortunately, our kids typically have greater difficulty in handling such teasing, and they are often unequipped to defend themselves.
We don’t typically discuss “bullying” at Glenholme, but rather discuss specific bullying behaviors such as “teasing,”
“instigating,” “verbal aggression,” and “physical aggression.” These all have predictable, and consistent program-wide consequences, that all staff and students are aware of. We therefore address this on the individual level, prior to it becoming a pattern, and therefore by definition, “bullying.” If the behavior does become a pattern, we have more individualized interventions for the individual engaging in this behavior. We also provide in-the-moment skill instruction, both for the individuals receiving these negative behaviors, and for the individuals exhibiting them. These are examples of anti-bullying steps recommended by Olweus.
Olweus recommends 13 specific anti-bullying steps be taken in schools. We reviewed these and found that we are doing almost all of them, but could improve specifically in two areas. The first opportunity for improvement is providing in-service training about bullying, and including all staff who interact with students. We felt we that we have done this indirectly. In the past weeks, we have held more expanded and explicit trainings to ensure that we are meeting this recommendation.
The second opportunity for improvement was Olweus’s last anti-bullying step: Provide information to parents about bullying and encourage their involvement in addressing bullying issues. We have recently sent an e-mail to all parents, providing a link to information regarding cyber-bullying. Cyber-bullying through social media and cell phones is the way that children are most frequently engaged in negative behaviors toward each other while at home. While social media provides us with wonderful opportunities to provide and receive information and to stay connected, it unfortunately also provides a venue for bullying, particularly when it is unsupervised. Click here for more information on cyber-bullying.
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